Motherhood is trial and error

Motherhood

{MaMa aka Mother} A person who loves unconditionally, protects and nurtures, caretaker & mender of hearts, Maker and Keeper of precious memories. 

    Nearly two years ago- I became a mother. I am not sure that words can accurately capture what motherhood is in just a few sentences or pages. I am one child and two years in and I could fill hundreds of pages with experiences, adventures, successes and failures. I feel like at this point, mentally and physically, I am just getting into the swing of things. Being a Mom is hard. I have had major challenges and successes and I also have hopes for my future as a mother. So I decided to list some of the challenges, successes, and future hopes I have. 

    

Challenges 

The birth process

    First, I don't think I accurately prepared myself for what exactly happens when you have a baby and for me, my son's birth story was somewhat- traumatic. I will spare the nitty gritty details because I don't want to scare anyone who is already nervous about giving birth.  In short, I hemorrhaged and lost half my blood volume.            (Hudson was 10 lbs and had a 40cm head circumference) Spoiler alert~ I survived and was extremely tired for the first two months of his life. 

Getting enough 'me' time/Mom guilt 

    I am a strong believer in self-care and I know I did not do enough of it when I first had my son. And when I said I am just getting into the swing of things- I meant it. Once I went back to work, I quickly assumed the Mom Guilt hat. Anytime I wanted to do something extra, I felt some sort of guilt that I would have to talk myself through. Whether it was leaving Hudson at daycare for an extra 45 minutes so I could go to the gym or getting my nails done so I could be alone for an hour. The small things suddenly became sacrifices. I know that sounds dramatic, but, it is real. If I chose to do something for myself- that means less time with my son. In reality, doing those small things help keep me sane. So, how do you juggle, decide, or pick. (I am still wondering so someone let me know the deal). There is nothing anyone can say to rid any mother of this feeling. So, do what works for you and your family. It took me a while to figure out what works for me, but that is basically what it is all about. You try something, it works or you try something and if fails and MOST of the time, whatever worked a month ago- no longer works. Without trying, you will never know what works or doesn't you will just exists in perpetual limbo paralyzed by fear, so go for it and try new things, old things, the same things. Do what makes you happy and surround yourself with supportive humans! It helps! 

Overreactions

    Postpartum hormones are vicious and I am convinced they last for at least a year... I am no doctor butttttt I felt like a psycho sometimes for at least twelve months. I mean I would look at my husband and think, "Has he always chewed his food like that?" Keeping wine handy, helps the initial gut reaction to kick him out of the room while he eats. 

Successes

Sleep training

        While this is a controversial topic for some, it definitely worked for my household. Once I was informed that putting your infant on some sort of bedtime routine would help me get the much need extra minutes of sleep, I was sold. Hudson started to sleep through the night and now he is 21 months and will sleep for 12 hours at a time. 

Communication/Letting him parent 

         I mean, I really thought for a while that my husband could read my mind... like why do I have to tell him to do the same thing every single time! We do the same nap and bedtime routines, but yet, I have to give him the 411 like he is babysitting. Dude, you should know this by now. This is a double edged sword because while I wanted him to just jump in and take over or work in tandem with me, the vibes I were putting out into the parenting Universe were, if you don't do this exactly how I do it then the night is ruined and our son will never be the same!  Oh the horror! The control freak in my let loose all the time and I was poo pooing his chances of being the Dad and doing things in his Dad way. Learning to communicate my needs was/is an on-going struggle and I categorize it as a success because of the growth we have seen. I have found when I start to talk about my needs, concerns, etc. it opens the door for us to work together and start stepping in to support each other where we need it. Ultimately, as the saying goes, "you know you get when you assume right?". 

My Son is a confident, adventurous, happy and energetic toddler and that is a MAJOR success. To go from not knowing that baby's poop is tar black when they take their first poop to learning to walk/run and all the milestones in-between. The smile on his face makes it all worth it. 

My hopes for my future adventures in motherhood are: that my son grows up to be strong, courageous, adventurous, compassionate, loving young man. I hope that my husband and I never lose the ability to listen to each other, communicate, and support each other. I hope that we take leaps of faith as a family. I want us to continue to grow, together.